When I feel a little down, I close my eyes, take three deep breaths and say the words: "MAY I FEEL LIKE I FEEL WHEN I'M ABOUT TO EAT CAKE!" You'll think for a second: "Oh, cake!" like you might get some and then you'll feel great! Try it, it works! Remember that CAKE is exactly like LOVE, but with butter-cream frosting. So in an effort to make the world a better place, I have begun a list of amazing locations around the world to find the best piece of cake!
Buy the "About To Eat Cake" T-Shirt $20.00 (various colors)
Listen to the "Cake" Story!
Public Radio International - Studio 360 (http://www.gregwalloch.com/Cake.mp3)
Check out the "Cake Map!"
( click on the blue markers to read the stories, or read the stories below)
The Grit
OK, the first place that comes to mind is The Grit, in Athens, GA. I have had several different varieties of cake at The Grit and they were ALL great! Since The Grit is in Athens, GA the very thought that while eating your cake, you could possibly spot Michael Stipe enjoying a piece of cake… the image makes me so happy, I can't even think about it!
The Magnolia Bakery
New York City's The Magnolia Bakery has beautiful cake. I indulged there recently with a gay Canadian and his wife. He married her for his green card. Is the United States government even concerned with kicking Canadians out? They're mostly nice, except for that sass Alanis Morissette. Anyway, I had a gorgeous German chocolate cake! However, the slices were so big, that neither his wife nor I could finish our share. However, this cute gay Canadian downed his portion and our leftovers! He then admitted to having a daily cake habit. He also confessed to owning a poster—he'd taken it from a Macy's display window—of a big piece of triple-layer white sponge cake with chocolate frosting. The poster now hangs above his bed. I think that I'll ask him out when they get a divorce.
New York's Little Pie Company
Next on the list is New York's Little Pie Co, located on West 43rd Street. My good pals John Mattey and his cousin David Mattey introduced me to this totally cute pie shop with amazing cake and pie! A fine actor, John played a hunky cop on Another World. In fact, he's the only real bona fide hunk I've met. His cousin Dave starred in the Toxic Avenger movie Citizen Toxie. He played duel roles as the good and evil toxic avengers. It's called range kids. At the Little Pie Co I like to sit with John and Dave at the counter on the shiny red vinyl stools. I frequently pretend to be Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks while drinking my coffee and eating pie. The Three-Berry Pie is so fresh! And who isn't impressed by a quaint latticework crust? I ask you.
The Sweet Chief's Southern Styles Bakery
One of my FAVORITE places in my neighborhood is The Sweet Chief's Southern Styles Bakery - 122 Hamilton Place in Harlem. The Sweet Potato Pie is unreal!!! I'm hoping to run into Bill Clinton up here, so I can tell him about it, he needs to know! The action around the The Sweet Chief's Southern Styles Bakery can be a little rough and tumble, but I just imagine that I'm Orpheus making his descent to the underworld to bring back pie. "La réponse est dans le pâté en croûte!" Have you seen Jean Cocteau's Orpheus? It's amazing, so beautiful, and Jean Marais has a great ass! Sometimes I eat Sweet Potato Pie WHILE watching this film, I could ask for nothing better.
The St. Famous Bakery
I made a comedy appearance at The St. Famous Bakery in mid-town. Comedy at a bakery, you ask? And I reply, why not! There used to be a comedy show at King Size Laundry in Chelsea, nothing was more fun than trying to perform while people just wanted to do their laundry, I miss that place. Anyway, after my set at St. Famous Bakery, the owner gave me a warm piece of Orange Poppy Seed Cake! He's a very sweet playwright and old vaudevillian. He told me about how he used to perform in a strip joint with a Gypsy Rose Lee marionette that he slowly made undress to bump and grind music. He said that one night while he was performing, he noticed a man in the front row "finger-fucking a blonde!" I stopped and thought, did this sweet older gentleman just say "finger-fucking" to me?!? Which just goes to show that this generation didn't invent sassy behavior! He said:"You gotta be big in your performance kid, go further! Let me tell you, for the finale of the show that Gypsy Rose Lee marionette unzipped her skin and did a skeleton dance! At that moment, that man stopped fingering that blonde and sat back and watched the show! That's what great performance is about kid!" I think that's the best advice I've ever heard, it made the cake even better.
Cafe Con Leche & Loughnane's Holiday Hostel
Recently, I was in Ireland for the world premiere of the concert/documentary film F**k The Disabled at The Galway Film Fleadh. I was feeling very discombobulated just having finished three months of shooting, (I don't miss being filmed while waking up or peeing) and now I was suddenly in a theater watching the film with other folks! How did that happen?!? Ireland was amazing, lots of water, cows and beer! I found it difficult to go inside a dark cinema and watch movies while I was in such a wonderful place, although I did see two amazing films: The Doe Boy by the charming director Randy Redroad and the Swedish comedy Jalla! Jalla! by Josef Fares. People, I tried to find good cake in Ireland, I really did. I came close with a "Cheesecake" at Cafe Con Leche - 4b St. Anthony's Place. This Cheesecake was more like a frothy flan, but good none the less, besides there were a bunch of kids smoking hash on the patio in this place, so the cake doesn't really need to be THAT good to be great! I did finally find a lovely Lemon Poppy Seed Cake at Loughnane's Holiday Hostel in East Clare, this place was beautiful and in the end, the cake was sweet!
Billy's Bakery
When I'm not performing, I often can be found hanging out with other fabulous performers. Recently I met up with the lovely Erin O'Hara and her equally lovely daughter Rose at Billy's Bakery at 184 Ninth Ave in Chelsea. We talked and all shared amazing frosted cup cakes. Apparently there's a lot of romance in the air around Billy's Bakery. Erin noticed that all these men were stopping to ask directions or what time it was. She thought these guys were hitting on me, but I'd totally missed it. It reminds me of a story... A beautiful poet clad only in a pair of white boxer briefs once read "Leaves Of Grass" aloud to me in bed and when he was done reading I responded, "That was great, thanks!" then rolled over and went to sleep... Can you even believe I missed that?!? The moral to this tale: I love poetry, but if ya wanna get it on with me, I guess you have to be REALLY obvious. So next time you see me and Erin eating cup cakes in Chelsea come up and say hi and then sit in my lap.
Citizen Cake
Two amazing things happened recently. I visited my rock star pal Jab in San Francisco and we went to Citizen Cake at 399 Grove Street. If you love cake like I do, please be good to yourself and go to Citizen Cake! This cake is pricey, but it is far and above the best of any cake you're likely to have. I had the incredible Mocha Mi Su and Jab chose the After Midnight Petite Gateau. Ok, so we spent all the cash we had for the week, but sometimes ya gotta live like a rock star!